


You Didn't Get It

by FlawlessIvory101



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Inspired by Quote, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 07:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6108940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlawlessIvory101/pseuds/FlawlessIvory101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I didn't decide to stop loving you. I decided to stop showing it because no matter how hard I tried, you wouldn't get it". </p><p>What was going through Shinobu's mind while trying to make his affections known to Miyagi?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Didn't Get It

"This is why I've been telling you it's impossible."

Miyagi's words jabbed into Shinobu's stomach like a knife, and his eyes screwed shut tighter than they already were. He clenched his fists, dropping his legs away from where he had wrapped them around Miyagi's waist as he turned away from the figure hovering above his trembling body. Why did it have to come to this? Why couldn't Miyagi just understand that his feelings for him were genuine and he wasn't just spouting out stupid, cheesy lines about destiny? What more could it possibly take?

"Like hell you've done this before," Miyagi said, his voice much too calm for the situation. Shinobu choked back on a sob of humiliation and hurt as he completely rolled over onto his side, holding his clenched hands close to his chest. Why couldn't he just shut up and get on with it? If this was the only way Shinobu's words were going to get through to the older man, he would offer his body completely to him willingly.

"Shut up. Get on with it and…" Shinobu trailed off when he felt a sheet fall over his quivering form, and Miyagi's weight suddenly lift off of him.

"That's enough. No more shenanigans."

Shinobu's tearful eyes snapped open and he raised himself up from his curled position on the mattress, gasping out his love's name. He leaned forward, gripping onto the man's open, button up shirt and buried his face into Miyagi's bare chest. Why didn't he get it? What more could he possibly do to get Miyagi to realize his feelings were real, and that he wasn't just some stupid brat that was talking nonsense?

He swallowed thickly, trying to mute these embarrassing sounds that were escaping him as his body still shook. His hands slowly lowered from Miyagi's shirt, as thoughts continued to whirl around inside of his clouded head. 'He is never going to get it,' Shinobu concluded in his head silently. No matter how many times he reaches out, puts himself out there and makes his feelings known, Miyagi will never see his true feelings. He'll always just see him as a pathetic brat who has no idea what he's talking about.

"Don't humiliate me," he gritted out after a few moments of tense silence. He meant this in so many ways that Miyagi was probably not even aware of, but the most obvious way stuck out to Shinobu. He was sick of being humiliated by Miyagi just brushing off his love confessions by saying Shinobu was just going through a phase and would get over it in a few weeks or months. If it was just a phase, why would he still be drowning in it after three years of separation?

"This isn't about humiliation or anything like that," Miyagi replied. Shinobu fought back the bitter chuckle that was crawling up his throat. Of course the man didn't understand what he was saying. He never did, so why would he understand now of all times when Shinobu was deciding to give up?

"Think about what it is you're trying to do."

Shinobu grit his teeth at Miyagi's words and felt the urge to hit him for the upteenth time in the past few weeks. He knew exactly what he wanted to do, it was Miyagi who had no clear idea on what he was attempting on doing. "Of course I know," he whispered, thinking about voicing his intentions, but decided against it by clamping his mouth shut. Even if he tried to explain it again Miyagi wouldn't understand. It was best to just give it all up now before he got hurt even more.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before he shakily pushed himself to the edge of the bed and walked over to the open bedroom door. Distinctly, he could hear Miyagi lighting a cigarette from behind him on the bed, and Shinobu reached up to place his hand on the door as if to steady himself. "I'm sorry," he muttered before walking on out of the room and eventually out of the apartment.

He was apologizing for a lot of things, and Miyagi would most likely not be able to read through them all, but Shinobu didn't stick around to hear his response. He was apologizing for Miyagi's wasted time on him that he would never be able to get back. He was apologizing for being such a bother, even though he tried his best to stay out of the way and just make his feelings known to the literature professor. He was also apologizing for Miyagi never being able to understand how much he truly loved him.

**-Page Break-**

Shinobu quickly rummaged through the closet it Miyagi's hallway, trying to find the bag that he had accidentally left behind in his hurry to leave a couple nights ago. Just last night he had made the decision to go back to Australia to continue his school there and try to forget about Miyagi that way. He made the plan to never come back to Japan unless it was to see his family, and leave Miyagi alone for the rest of his life. It would be better for the both of them in the long run, and Shinobu could only hope that he would be able to get over his long time love interest after a few more years in Australia.

Just as he grabbed the bag, he heard the front door to the spacey apartment open and his entire body froze. He heard Miyagi's quiet noise of shock, and Shinobu tightened his grip on the bag straps he was holding onto as he turned his head to face the black haired man. All he had to do was explain why he was here and just leave. Keep it simple and no one would wind up getting upset.

"Uh, I'd forgotten my notes. I didn't think you would be getting home this early, so… that is, pardon the intrusion," he stammered out as calmly as he could manage without having his voice shake. He could only hope that Miyagi would let him by without any trouble, because he really isn't sure if he can handle any further company from the man right now. He's not sure if he could ever be able to handle it again actually.

"Hey," Miyagi said suddenly, and Shinobu stopped walking, his eyes wide. Why did he stop walking? Just keep going. Hurry. That way he can't hurt anything anymore and they can just continue their lives as normal. "Um, a student gave me cherry blossom tea. So… want some?"

Shinobu stayed silent for a moment before politely agreeing while his brain screamed at him to just get up and get out. It wasn't worth the effort anymore, he knew that. He just wanted to forget Miyagi for good and try to start over with his life. Maybe find a wife, or a boyfriend in Australia and train himself to never regret everything that could've been with Miyagi.

"So, are you attending school properly?" Miyagi asked a bit awkwardly as he poured the tea in both of the cups that were set in front of them on the coffee table.

Shinobu decided to keep out of the conversation that he was going to be going back to Australia in just a couple days. "It's normal," he decided on replying with, that way Miyagi wouldn't ask too many more questions about it. He just needed to drink the tea and bid a final goodbye, and be done with it.

"I see. That reminds me, um, when we were talking about destiny and stuff the other day, you mentioned something about the library. What was that about?"

Shinobu kept his face neutral, trying to not show any kind of reaction towards Miyagi's question. Why did he suddenly want to know? What did it have to do with anything now after Miyagi had made it perfectly clear that he did not harbor, or understand, the feelings that Shinobu had towards him? Then again… it doesn't really matter now. He could explain it and then be on his way. Either way, Miyagi would never love Shinobu, so he had nothing to lose.

"You used to go to the Central Library a lot, right?" Shinobu asked, clutching the tea cup in his hands tightly.

"I'm surprised you knew that," Miyagi said quietly.

"You don't remember me?" Shinobu questioned, forcing down the feeling of hurt that was swirling uncomfortably down in his stomach. 'It doesn't matter anymore,' he reminded himself. 'In all actuality, it never really did considering Miyagi never felt the same way, and never will.'

He carefully started to explain how he would always notice Miyagi reading a lot of old books there, and how he would wonder what was up with him. But then, there was the day Miyagi had saved him from those two guys who were threatening him for the money he didn't have, and how he had believed it was destiny when Miyagi swooped in.

"Sorry. About all that I remember is during the candlelight ceremony at my wedding, you were glaring at me with a terrible look on your face," Miyagi admitted, somewhat sheepishly.

Shinobu's eyes widened and he stood up from the couch suddenly, his usual unsettledness coming back in a crashing wave. He hates it when he gets like this while trying to explain his infatuation with Miyagi. He shouldn't be like this anymore, it's pointless.

"That is…! I mean, you never imagine that someone like that is going to end up being your big sister's husband. So I thought my destiny was cursed. I was trying so hard to give up on you, and the next thing I knew, you'd gotten divorced. So…" he slowly started to trail off once more, hating the fact he was trying to explain himself now even after he told himself that he had to give up.

"Destiny, huh?" Miyagi muttered uncomfortably over where he was still sitting on the couch.

"I _thought_ it was destiny," Shinobu said, looking anywhere but at Miyagi. He wanted to make it clear to Miyagi that he was done trying, and he didn't have to worry about him coming around and bothering him anymore. "I'm leaving," he said, leaving out that they were never going to see each other again. At least, he hoped not.

He started to walk over to the front door, holding the bag so tightly in his hand that his knuckles were turning pasty white. He listened to Miyagi call him, but he wasn't going to stop again just so he could get worked up over trying to get Miyagi to see that he really loves him. He was done. "I'm sorry. It doesn't matter anymore."

"What doesn't matter anymore?" Miyagi nearly shouted after him as Shinobu opened the door. Shinobu refused to hear the panic in Miyagi's voice, telling himself it was just his imagination and to get out of there as fast as possible.

"All of it, of course!" Shinobu exclaimed, mentally yelling at Miyagi to just shut up. He was leaving and giving up, wasn't that what the man had wanted? What the hell did he want from him? "Thanks for the tea."

"What do you mean, all of it?" Miyagi asked from behind him. Shinobu quickened his pace through the entryway and felt his jaw tighten and the area around his eyes tense. Why did he suddenly care? Why wasn't he just sitting on the couch, lighting up a cigarette like he had done just a couple of nights ago when he didn't care.

"All of it means all of it!"

"Shinobu, you see, I…" Miyagi suddenly shot out his arm and gripped Shinobu's wrist tightly in his hold, effectively stopping the younger teen in mid step, turning around to look at him through wide eyes. What? What was he about to say just now? Judging from the look of it, with Miyagi's own horrified expression, he wasn't even sure. He gradually released Shinobu's wrist, and Shinobu backed away, his wrist feeling as if he had been burned.

He kept his eyes trained on Miyagi for a few seconds as his body slowly turned towards the door, but eventually decided Miyagi was finally done talking. Whatever Miyagi was about to say was because of the heat of the moment, and Shinobu really didn't want some sort of fake love confession. Especially from _him._ He wasn't going to play fake relationship with Miyagi, so it was best to get out of here as fast as possible, no matter how fast his heart was beating in his chest.

"Thank you for having me," he muttered out politely before the door slammed shut behind him. He may not be pushing Shinobu away, but Miyagi isn't fighting for him either.


End file.
